Seeing a Therapist

 

I recently decided to see a therapist because of the issues I have with anxiety and depression.  I’m recovering from being a member of a repressive religion that destroyed my self-esteem as well as my social and personal development.   I have 5 free EAP sessions that were given to me as part of my severance package when I was laid off.  I called the EAP provider and I was given a list of names to choose from.  The therapist I chose was a person that had an office close to where I live and flexible hours.

The therapist was nice but I could tell that she was surprised by my appearance.  I don’t look like her regular clients.  I wasn’t comfortable speaking with her at first.  Eventually, I opened up and told her about my mental health problems and my religious background.  She gave me a lot of advice that I feel I should apply to my life.  One of the most important things she told me was that I should approach people with love and respect.  She gave me this advice after I told her about my distrust of others and it’s something that I want to work on.  She also acknowledged that the experiences I had from my religious upbringing did have a profound effect on me.

At the end of the session, she gave me a list of cd’s that have subliminal messages.  She also invited me to her church.  As someone recovering from a damaging, religious upbringing, I found her suggestions to be problematic and not appropriate. The last thing I want is to go to another church or listen to something with hidden messages.  I believe that her suggestions came from a caring place but it raised a red flag with me.

I decided not to see her for another session.  I’ve been to other therapists and I can’t find one with whom I feel comfortable sharing all of my experiences.  I’m beginning to think that perhaps therapy isn’t the right option for me.  I’m looking into teaching myself DBT Therapy (I have a DBT workbook) and well as bibliotherapy.

Why Blog

I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a child.  I was bullied in school because of my appearance and the fact that my family practiced a strange religion.  I didn’t realize how much these experiences damaged my mental and emotional well-being until I was in my early 30’s.

I have problems with my moods (they change so quickly) and I don’t understand my own emotions.  This has caused many problems in my relationships with others because I don’t feel like a stable, secure person.  Because I was bullied, I mistrust most people.  It’s hard for me to make and keep friends.  I feel that I spend way too much time alone.

Recently, I’ve experienced some challenges that have made my anxiety even worse.  Earlier this year I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem.  I lost 40lbs and I was hospitalized.  I’m currently unemployed and I’m starting my own business.  Some days I’m really inspired and I work hard at marketing myself to potential clients.  Other days I feel overwhelmed and I can’t even get out of bed.

I decided to start a blog as a way to clear my mind on the days when I struggle with my mental illnesses.  I hope that by writing about my thoughts and feelings, I won’t feel so overwhelmed.